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[Oct. 17th, 2004|04:50 am] |
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i got really drunk tonight. i guess i thought it would make me feel better. it didnt. for a little while i was all happy and didnt have a care in the world. then my buzz wore off and i started thinking (like i so often do) about life and my life in particular. i was thinking about money and family and girls and friends and just about anything else. im not trying to start a pity party. but right now my life sucks ass. im in debt huge and ive got a bunch of bills to pay. my parents are still fighting a lot so when i went home to be with my grandma they were being gay all the time. girl wise, im at a loss. i wonder sometimes if i will ever be happy again. i know its not fair but i compare every girl to amber. none of them really measure up. the ones that do dont like me so whats the point. i miss feeling loved. i miss having someone to talk to every night that is as excited to talk to me as i am to talk to them. i wish i had that again. i wish i had a girl who would be my best friend. whatever i guess patience is a virtue i need to work on. i have the best friend i could ask for in josh. im am very lucky to have met him. i know that if there is anything i need i can ask and he will help me the best he can. the same goes for him too. its just hard to lean on him for support when he has his own pile of crap to deal with. if you havent stopped reading already, i want to thank you. you are someone who probably gives a shit about me. well that was me being emo for a little while. later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|12:20 am] |
i done. thats all there is to it. any time i think things could be great with a girl, either i screw it up or she is dishonest. im really doing great, i tell you what. i wish there was some way to just start completely over and do things different or better.
whatever.
lm done. |
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| finally an update. |
[Oct. 7th, 2004|05:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
so i thought i might as well use this thing if im going to have it. where to start...yesterday (as in tuesday) my grandpa died. then that night i was an jerk and was stupid and im sorry. i didnt mean to be like that, i just wanted someone to cuddle with and hold. im an idiot. my head has been a little screwy since i found out he died. i wanted to talk to you tonight but it didnt seem like you wanted to even be in the same room as me. if i offended you, i apologize.
so, as always i have been doing wonderful in the world of girls. i was kind of with one, but all she had going for her in my eyes were her looks. we couldnt talk about anything. then theres teil. she is awesome. but she is 16. im 20. not a good combo. it would be perfect if she was 2 years older.
im done bitching because if i keep going, i will probably hurt more peoples feelings. if you really care to know what goes on in my head, ask me. that is, if anyone even reads this... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2004|10:37 am] |
life is very bittersweet for me right now. i just got back this morning from home. i went back for a funeral and a wedding. both on the same day. it was a funeral for one of my friends that i played baseball with and was in choir with. we graduated together as well. he died on tuesday from a blood clot in his heart i think. he was only 20. but at his funeral i saw a lot of people i care about and that care about me. the words that were spoken were very soothing and made everything make sense. i needed a good cry too.
later that day was a very close friend of mine, heather's, wedding. i have known her since i was 4. thats a stinkin long time. her husband is a very lucky guy. nice guy too. i saw so many more people that i hadnt seen for quite a while at the wedding.
i finally got up the balls to talk to catherine yesterday. she is heathers little sister. i have known her for just as long and have had a crush on her forever. the last time i was back we kissed for the first time and this time we talked about us. we are going to take it slow which is fine with me. she has been hurt too many times and i want to put an end to it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2004|09:13 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | turpentine chaser-dashboard | ] |
well then...i havent been on here for a long time cause my computer was broke. now it isnt. i havent talked to anyone in a long time. scratch that lacey called me tonight. im gonna hangout with her tomorrow hopefully. im single again. im leaving either tomorrow night or saturday for home. ill be there until the 20th. im looking forward to it. a lot. if you read this and care at all give me a call sometime and we can talk and hang out when i get back. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2004|05:02 pm] |
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"I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want, i will answer honestly. Then go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything." |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2004|11:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  touched | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dashboard- remember to breathe | ] |
last night was amazing. more details to come if i see you in person. or you can ask if you give a crap. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2004|12:12 pm] |
life is interesting for me right now.
last night i guess i had a softball game. i now have a concussion and short term memory loss. pretty awesome huh?
if i talked to you since yesterday or monday and i dont remember please be nice to me. its not my fault. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|12:45 pm] |
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i would just like to take this time to say that we freaking rock. last night was sooo bad-ass. we put a tarp in the back of my truck and filled it with warm water then went to the strip and some of my friends got in the back. soo much fun. and i had lindsi with me too. it was a great night and has been an awesome weekend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2004|08:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cute without the e | ] |
this has been just about the best weekend ever! im happy. thats not something that i feel very often. im not depressed at all. its just so nice. its been one week but it feels like so much longer. everything is so right. im going to make some phone calls and go to bed. |
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| feelings of difference |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|03:04 pm] |
i feel like im being smiled at right now. things in my life are working out. i think i am happy right now. i talked with tawny last night. there were some things we needed to discuss. it went so well. it just proves how rad tawny is. tawny if you ever read this, im sorry it didnt work out. im looking for a bass player to play with us. i have a drummer. we also can have a show on the 22nd of may if we want. anyone interested let me know. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2004|11:33 pm] |
mmmmm...
i didnt think it would hurt so little. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|12:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A7X- second heartbeat | ] |
yep. went to logandale last night. met up with bri and her cousin and some of her friends. i enjoyed it thoroughly. it was cool to chill in a small town for a night. i went up there with one of my friends from work. apparently he is very funny and ive been asked to bring him around more. not a problem.
we watched texas chainsaw massacre. or at least some of it. i took bri and lynsey back to her house and we just hung out outside. it was rad. bri and i had a good talk. i miss you and our talks bri! it was just a cool night. no bullshit at all. i think i might have to start going to logandale more often.
my phone is back on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|06:01 pm] |
OH WOW!!!
i just downloaded the video for unholy confessions by A7x. i almost creamed myself. amazing.
oh and get this. my ex, amber, is in it. i was like "theres no way thats her" but it is. no fair. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|11:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sugarcult-how does it feel | ] |
its been awhile since i made a real update. im not sure where to start. emotionally im doing pretty well which is rather nice. there are some things im turning over in my mind but nothing to get emo over. lets see, last weekend i went back to california and chilled at home with my family. i really wish i got to spend more time with them. i miss them. and its really hard to see my parents fighting and angry with each other like that. i hope with all my heart that they dont split up. i dont think my mom would be able to cope. i know i would go crazy. i got to see my neice while i was there. she is the cutest thing EVER! she really likes me too. shes gonna be a heartbreaker when she gets older. and i might have to regulate on some horny little boys.
i have to go back to work now so i will continue later... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2004|11:00 pm] |
overload.
too much shit to think about. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2004|12:30 pm] |
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im home and it feels soo good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2004|11:40 am] |
nothing personal against any of you, but it is going to be so nice to get out of here for the weekend.
ive had enough stress for the rest of the month thank you very much. i dont need anymore.
sorry lacey. i didnt get out of work for lunch until like 1120 and had to be back at 12. i tried calling to tell you but no one answered. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|10:36 pm] |
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my balls got up and ran away. i apologize. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|06:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
i guess its good to know who your real friends are.
what happened to right and wrong? morals? standards? standing up for what you believe? why is everyone so afraid to say something?
i guess i was raised differently. i thank God for my parents everyday.
and joey, even if they did find a way on base, if they did anything they are on a military installation so the rules here apply. they would be fucked. |
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